Saturday, September 28, 2013

On pointe

Well that's the plan I have for my weekend. Starting out with my ballet exam that's now thankfully over. Yikes and yeeha!

If I looked this good...One day....
I'm looking forward to some down time. Some cooking, some baking maybe. Some biscuits perhaps. Who knows. I'd love to do some gardening, but I'll have to perhaps move that over to next weekend. The key here is not to overload myself. I'm very conscious of chilling out. This is what weekends are for.

I'd love to paint some pots for my house...


I will no doubt be heading to the FNB Joburg Art Fair 2013 today. Can't wait to see what's there. Just to walk around and be around it all.



Well sad news just in, a call from my mother to say that my Ouma, my gran's sister and my mom's favourite aunt has just passed on this morning. Such sad news,but I am so so glad she is not suffering anymore. Her body was slowly just breaking down, but I had the super sad feeling that her soul was not at peace. I am so glad that she has let go and let GOD(by whatever name we call His Holy name).She was a fighter and she fought till the end. Rest in Peace Ouma.

Wishing you all a super weekend. Mine has now taken a different turn, but I think it really is about celebration. Celebration of a very very full life lived. Celebration of the wide and varied family we come from. This side of the family is Muslim and so they must bury by sunset today. There is such strange beauty in these kinds of rituals and I count myself very lucky to be able to experience all these different rites.

Also just makes you reflect on life and how you live it.Take stock on how far we've come and just how long life may be, but the days are short. Love abundantly and forgive quickly.Really love to the depths of your soul and appreciate all the beauty that abounds in your life. The people we love will make mistakes, as do we. You just have to decide what your limit of tolerance is, but do it peacefully, because our struggles are all  different and not all too apparent.

some sagesse from these bunnies...


Just don't forget the love. Tell the truth. Please tell the truth.



I watched a movie and the title was, "Someday this pain will be useful to you." I kinda liked that. Makes sense doesn't it? More than anything though, another thing it is saying is not only that let go of the pain, but also reminding that life is not over, because it is not going well at that moment. This too shall pass. Take the lesson and learn it well.

Wishing you a weekend filled to the brim of you and what you want to do and who you love. Live this beautiful life you have. Oh and kiss a little kid's cheek and hold someone's hand. Hug someone tight and I hope they hold onto you like they never want to let go. I hope time stands still while you enjoy a precious moment. Talk, I mean real talk with those you love. Open your hearts and and your mouths. The hardest conversations often make your life a lot easier in the long run. The benefits far outweigh the initial distress.

Don't forget to be in pursuit of magic.

Sending you all sunshine and smiles

xx



Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Come out to play



It is heading for about 32 degrees Celsiusin Joburg today and this is what I'd love to be wearing. Sadly I'm not, but I'm going through a wardrobe rebellion of sorts. Usually very structured and conservative,but I want to come out and play when it comes to my wardrobe. Perhaps it's just a little bit of my internal conflict wanting to express itself in my wardrobe. Still keeping it safe though in all black, even during playtime, as I do. Play time chic perhaps.

I even want to pierce my ear again, up at the top. Because...well because I want to, that is why. So I should right? Though the thought of the pain has me a little hesitant.

I am convinced though that I can combine my work wardrobe with my playful side. Here I go off in search playful chic...

Wondering how you all go out there and style yourselves. Do you put any thought into it?

Whatever you wear...

Remember this.
xx

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Growing pains

I can't look
This rings soo sooo sO true to me right now. It's like I've lived this whole life kinda only half being, but mostly pretending and now my soul is literally busting out and being like hello, this is me. Ain't that marvellous. It hasn't been an overnight wam bam change! It's been gradual over the past two years, which can be far more tortuous in a sense. There are many aspects or facets rather (love that word "facet" and I don't use it enough) to who I am. For so long, I've been trying to keep them concealed for fear of people judging me and not accepting me. So I've attracted people into my life who did not know the whole me and did not really like me as a result. An endless frustration that I caused in part, but enough of the blame game, because gosh darn it, I could live in that zone where I chastise myself forever. I should not be about that life.

But more and more I am coming into my own. Busting out as my little sis would say. It is so scary, but so liberating and I breathe SO SO much easier on the other side of it.

The courage part really is less about being brave enough to show the world who you are, it's more about rising above the almost debilitating self imposed fear and being brave enough to face yourself with who you really are.

xx

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Ready...Get Set...get set...

Now please can I just GO already! I really need to get a move on quite seriously. This is totally ridic. I think Madaaaame Pro Cra STINATION has come to stay again. This is one unwelcome visitor that I have seemingly given the main bedroom too. While I lie here in the uncomfortable chair, wincing, tossing and turning, hurting my back and neck, but I won't get her to leave.


I really do.
Okay. So it's the start of a new week. My week starts on a Sunday. I'm using that term ever so loosely right now. I'm in a slump, little down in the dumps even. Not loads, but a little. Feeling hellishly off centre and while my back and every other aching  limb is being interestingly realigned by the hands of a chiropractor, some of the situations in me life that got me there in the first place linger still. AAH MAN!!

Growing up is hard to do. I am the only one who gets to decide. Bummer! But I have to and soon. Also I just need to do a lot of work too. There are all these dreams sitting and getting squashed and unrealised, at my own hands.



Ooh hell this is all sounding so bleak, but by gosh it's real. I really need to get a whole lot of real with myself.

Bla bla bla me. Enough talking, let us just get a darn move on.

Attention!!


Have an awesome week dear lovelies. Please do something everyday, even the teeeny tiniest of things that will get you one step close to your wildest dreams.

xx

Friday, September 20, 2013

It's that time again

Beautiful thirst quencher...
Since this morning, it really has been F! This o'clock  for me. True story. I just wanted to stay home and work on my balcony garden and make my house look pretty and empty out my cupboards.

It's the weekend. I'm off to people I barely know for a drink, whilst I while away time before I have to head to dinner in about 2 hours. This should be interesting.

The boys love Lego. These wooden ones are amazing.


It's my twin nephews' birthday party tomorrow, so that's what will fill my day tomorrow. Smiles and happiness to me.

Have an awesome weekend you beauties. I'm going to make sure I get some rest  this weekend. See my rentals and give my Daddy a big squeeze (which secretly is more for me, than him.)

This is the new look I'd love to rock...Am I brave enough?


Thinking of changing my hair. If I can't take a holiday at least. Wonder if I'll do it this weekend or next? But I need a change. Wonder if this look will work on me...Mm...

Have an awesome weekend you beauties.

xx


Thursday, September 19, 2013

Never too late for a shout out!


Officially my favourite season! Spring has sprung. I cannot believe I have not written and ode to the beauty that is the season of my birth. Perhaps it is because there is so much springing up in my life at the moment, lovely and amazing and equally daunting and sometimes harrowing.

Hello spring. Welcome. Thank you for the good times so far. You are beautiful. The smell of spring blossoms in the dusky evening or the freshness of the early mornings, especially after last weekend's first spring rain.

Thank you Universe.

xx

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

It's you and well it's me too...




Breaking up is hard to do folks! Of any kind. I'm talking the love kind, the I'm not having this treatment from friends kind and well in my case I think I might just need to break up with my current employer. Not as attached as I would be to a boyfriend or something, but I generally am getting into the habit of only doing work I love and when I love something, me gets attached.

Some of my friends are going through stuff lately. Break up kinda stuff. The really hard kind, like divorce for one. The other had a guy she was madly in love with show everyone else who she'd been ignoring who he really is and how she does not deserve that in any manner of speaking. I've also witnessed interchanges between people, where I was like, "WHY ARE YOU POSSIBLY TOGETHER?"Moments of downright disrespect, disregard, plain old awfulness and really peering into the window of what I would say that ugly 'h" word for some. Why people why?!Life is so short and sometimes our days are long, but why not fill those days with as much of that happy stuff as we can.

The thing here is that while we know that love sometimes causes temporary lapses in the functioning of our synapses, but they come back on and some things we choose not see, because we want the fluttering butterflies to continue a little longer. Let me tell you something (I say this like I am an authority (hihi) this is just my ardent belief.) The right person will still give you butterflies at random intervals for the rest of your life, just to keep it interesting. Butterflies aren't what long term relationships are made of. More like butter dishes, that will sit in between you, as you share meals day in and day out for the rest of your lives. Exciting prospect, but what you talk about across those butter dishes might not be as smooth as butter all the time, but it has to be the truth and eventually you'll get through it. Only with the right person though, because that is the reason you want to stay and fight. Don't they say fight for what's right.

A therapist once told me that sometimes breaking up is the best thing two people can do. While I laughed then, more and more it makes sense to me now. Some situations, relations, relationships, interactions with certain people do not serve you and there will always be some sort of push/pull factor that is likely not to benefit all involved. Respect is a key thing to maintain, that is why leaving early is sometimes a good idea, before the last iota of will to maintain it completely erodes and everything descends into chaos and unbridled hurt.

Letting go is hard, whether it's your daily labour or love. I think it's the investment we feel we've made, the failure of "giving up", losing elements of a strange, frustrating and often unfulfilling familiarity, fearful of the unknown. So many more things that go unsaid and unadmitted right?

We all have a part to play in break ups. It's not you, it's me. Actually it's you and it's me.We both feel bleak about it too in our own way (though we may not show it). Maybe the term "break up" is what scares us the most. Well it makes me feel totally awkward and uncomfy. What can I call it, so it sits better within my soul...Mm I'm going to mull this one over for a bit...

Let go people. In your own time, at your own pace. Let noone treat you anything less than fabulously.

Be open to what life has in stall for you. No next relationship is a quick fix for what didn't work in the last ones, as no new job will be EVERYTHING the last one wasn't. Go for what speaks to you body, mind and soul. You'll know I think.

You'll think, I fit, almost perfectly.

xx

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Direction



Where am I going? Yes it's one of those weeks. WOW! Spring is really sticking true to it's nature round about now. Best I keep up or fall frustratingly behind. I don't like being left behind...

Keep yourself on your toes..


When I was younger I was a planner and super organised about what I needed to do and where I was going. Hectically responsible more than my years, but as I inched into my mid twenties, I staged a rebellion, internal at first, then everyone felt the change. I decided to enjoy my youth, minus some of the undue burden of some of the responsibilities I needn't have had.So as much as I wrote about overthinking yesterday, I'm better now than I used to be. Scary thought.



As I am quite comfortably in my 30's now. A week in to be exact. I've realised that there is a lot more that I don't fret about. Because honestly it is beyond my control. While I can languish hours of attention on the minutiae, really often there is more to life than that and I am so grateful to the beautiful people I have in my life who fill my heart with love and light and remind me just how important that is.

note to self...


Lately it's been about career and a little about love, which just came and blindsided me  quite frankly, when I was getting pretty settled in this super single life that I'd established. Not rushing into anything though, because I still want to get some sort of map or in the absence thereof at least develop a rudimentary one of my own. Teehee! Guess all roads lead to my heart and his I guess...We'll see right. As Bailey so aptly puts it, "It will if it must." That's just the point isn't it right. She gives me the most wonderful perspective and so simply put.

Career, could be a little easier. It's far more tangible right? But super gut wrenching, future finance thinking, future offspring rearing wondering, future husband cooking and future home decor considering. Also it's all about fulfillment for me. I am currently going through the interview motions again and honestly I'm in that space where I'm like if not now then when do I take the leap of faith to do what I want to do and have always dreamt of doing? Now? I've decided however, to take the pay check for a few months, maybe a couple of years longer, while I set up my dreams.

It's heavy this direction and future stuff. Don't really have too much control over it though. Important note to selves.

Wherever we are all headed or thinking about going.

May we all head in the direction of our dreams. That's where I'm going.

xx

Worrisome Wednesday

Yes I did just do that! But heck! I've had lots of worries and today a lot of them came to the fore. So I did what any sane person would do, I kicked off my skirt suit, sling backs and white shirt. Slipped on a t-shirt and got into bed and drifted into a woeful sleep, where I had some pretty bizarre dreams.



Feeling a little better now though.

Hi, this is me and I am an overthinker. Is there a support group for us? Or maybe that would be a bad idea, because we may all OVER over think ourselves into paralysis! Yikes! I would love to be footloose and fancy free, though interestingly some people think I am. Those who know me, know though.



I would love to just jump into something and have that inimitable faith that the success I envision will come to light. Will it into being right? follow my heart and take my head with me. My head is definitely the ball and chain in this case, weighing even the simplest thing down. Sometimes it honestly just is what it is right? I cannot foresee any plethora of things. I just have to have faith that I have done as much due diligence as possible or not really. I can just do some hectic scenario planning in my head and then land up being so awful to deal with, even to myself. Ooh being a worrier is hard. Natural affliction perhaps. Any remedies dear readers? Eek!

Well, worry aside I'm off in pursuit of magic. Lots of it. I'll let my heart navigate, but my head will stop to ask for directions. Fair trade off I'd say.

Worry not too much...the weekend is nigh!


xxx

Dive in sometimes right?...


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Choose-day

and grab a cup of tea.
Yikes! I'm exhausted! And a little chubbier I must say. But hey it was my birthday, there was cake and boy were there chocolate biscuits! YUM!!

This would be my super decisive outfit. #Wishlist

A lot going on in my life at the moment. A lot of change. Spring is a springing indeedsies and I need to get my decision on. I just want to take a nap at the thought. (Terrible right?) Change is a process, but it requires more action than my current lack of sleep is allowing me to do.



I wish someone could just come down and say this is what you should do,but at the same time I totally don't want someone else to tell me what to do.

I haven't blogged in a bit, which gets me into a state too sometimes. Have some brilliant blog posts planned, but when I get home, I just want to eat the wrong kind of carbs and curl up on my couch or in my bed.



Things in my life are a changing and I have some pretty big, big- people decisions to make. Eek! I would love someone to hold my hand. Finding myself thinking about what a hug from God feels like. Last week whilst burping little Florence on my birthday, I think I came much closer to what it feels like. Baby cuddles rate right up there.

There are many things to choose, can I choose all of them? WHY not? What will happen if I do though? But then...what will happen if I don't.

Eek!


Choose something that makes you feel the magic today and tomorrow and the tomorrow after that...

xx

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Today

and all other "todays"
Change is upon us people! Hihi! Well my age is changing tomorrow! YEEHA!! It's my birthday. I am strangely super excited. So much to be excited about. Not only is it one day before the beautiful twinlets are 6 weeks old, but tomorrow is also their beautiful parents wedding anniversary. They now have the best anniversary present ever, little Anna and Florence faces.

So 5 is kinda my favourite number. Not only because I'm born on that day, but I just like it. It turns out I often land up having track number 5 being my favourite on an album. I just like 5 okay. Oh and loooove high fives! yes please!

More recently I've just been reminded how special 5 is to me. Exactly a month ago tomorrow, I had the most spectacular lunch with one of the most beautiful (totally inside and out) people I've ever met. Someone I would like to continue having many more special and spectacular lunches with for more than five more decades.

So tomorrow is a celebration fishes!! For all sorts of things. High fives all around. Change is often good. I find that more and more! Scary as heck and my overactive imagination shoots into over drive, but so much good stuff comes when you open the door and your heart to it.

Tomorrow also marks exactly a week since I followed my heart and flew on a whim and a jetplane just to see what was on the other side.

We are all going through all sorts of changes in our lives. Embrace them, cherish them, but please oh please, stop talking about them and do something. Make it happen!


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