Thursday, March 22, 2012

Mind what matters

Thank you Anthea for cool pic of our medals.
So I would sleep with this around my neck tonight,were it not so heavy!Yeah medals are heavy probably why they give them out at home time.Makes people head to their cars faster! haha!!

So I got a medal...Yep I was wearing this around my neck for the better part of this evening. (WINNING in my own right, is very hard to get accustomed to), the disbelief still has not really settled.

I RAN Jozi! Not walked as I feared I might, but my feet were moving beneath me at an interesting shuffling pace, that others might call an easy run. Don't get it twisted, there was some shame faced walking involved, but it was speed walking and I'm almost certain I lapped some runners during these spurts.There was no way in my current misshape that I could ever tackle a hill the size of the one we encountered in HILLbrow(oh yes I did)!


As I write this, I am euphoric. So much so that this Euphoria is keeping me up! Not upset at all, very happy and am waiting for the feeling of shocked and amazed at my feat to subside and be replaced with pride.

RUN JOZI that's what I've just done! Yikes me?! Not a runner at all. So I've been told, mostly by myself. I'd comfort myself often by saying, you know well, I was a sprinter,so long distances I don't do. I only run when chased, yes that would have been me.You know they say runners hit a wall at some point in their race.Well I had put up a huge wall at the starting line. Big problem, how would I ever get out of the starting block? But I did!In my lumo yellow shirt.(Wow this is a day of firsts for me, I never wear yellow,it's not my colour.) It felt very different, magical, amazing, inspired, inspiring, all out amazing, because, I, moi had made it to 6kms with little to no walking. WHAAAT?!!



It's amazing,it's all in your head.It's all in the mind.All these matters that trouble us, are encased in our grey matter.Changing our thoughts, really does change our actions.The right thoughts, positive, nourishing, accomplished, real,directional, promising thoughts.Theses are propellers.I can vouch for this, my feet were moving. So much so that I finished my first 10km(10.71km ACTUALLY) race EVER in 87minutes.That's super amazeballs to me!


To all who organised this race.AMAZING is an understatement!Great organisation, great people running and great setting, though that you found there. Thank you for reminding us, that Jozi is truly our City of Gold. And we don't mean the kind that sits in vaults!


An amazing group of J-residents took to the streets today.Took back their streets, got to know them again.You could see the nostalgia on some faces and the sheer wonder on others.This is our city, ain't no place like it. Great to see our big city lights or to whizz past them at any rate. (Okay sometimes not so whizzy)!

So thank you Nike and Run Jozi, all the fellow runners, Jozi!! While they say we took back the streets, I think,tonight, while I ran through Bree, Commissioner, all these streets; these streets brought me to me!


Monday, March 12, 2012

B.E.E

Not the South African kind! It's my own acronym for Busy Everywhere (with) Everything! I am so tired of being busy. So tired of that damn word. Everyone is always so busy? They have no time. We are all often rushing here, rushing there, everywhere.Taking no time to be still and savour anything, from food to the simple blissful moments at any given point in the day. Oh and I have friends, one in particular, who uses busy as his excuse for everything.Aah sorry I couldn't answer your message that you sent me last MONTH. because I was busy?! Really?! And I'm not busy, I sit around, just bombarding my friends with random smses asking how they are?!Grr! So annoying.

So how busy are you? Do you also have the B.E.E ailment? These days it's seemingly contagious.Something in our special bottled water perhaps.So busy,yet living so much less and getting even less done.This is not necessarily getting less done as in quantity, but depth and quality of task.How much attention and precision and even care is given to each task, when we are doing everything and rushing everywhere. Not quite as much attention to detail as we think hey?

Reading this article from the Wall Street Journal , asking "Are you as busy as you think?" (good question) really got my mind thinking about this. Also it reminded me of an episode of Grey's Anatomy where Dr Bailey said something along the lines of, "You can't do everything and be everything to everyone." Really makes you think hey?

Important lesson I needed to and probably still need to learn. It's okay not to take it all on.Why would you really want to anyway?! Take on what you can do and leave time, a lot of it, to live!


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

FLUX-uations

In her own little way.
My word! My world is in serious flux. I'm a ball of nerves, anxiety, EXCITEMENT, wonder, trepidation, adventure, love, light, anticipation, laughter and all sorts of things there are no adjectives for. This is my life for now. What it is exactly. I HAVE NO IDEA! Maybe, let me elaborate, I have no one idea.I have MANY! Loving all of them and I think I want most of them to come to fruition. We aren't bound to pursue just one dream at a time are we?


I don't really know what I'm doing at the moment. It's almost been exactly one week at the moment, since I left formal employment (don't you love that term, cos in fact, there was very little that was formal about it...)

Better get working and sweating! Tears are necessary though sometimes.
So I've just been figuring out my next steps.ACTUALLY the truth is, I have been so exhausted from the past year and a bit that my body and brain have hit an epic go slow.And I've decided to actually go gently with myself, because it is clearly what I need at the moment.Delayed fatigue. Not to be messed with! That feeling when you finally stand still for a moment and your body breathes a huge sigh of relief, that actually translates into you not being able to lift you head off the pillow let alone a leg off your bed! Wow! So part of my many changes are to go gently with myself and listen to my body...It knows what it's talking about.


I was having an interesting conversation with my coach yesterday and we were talking about change and how it's so DIFFICULT! Where is the difficulty for you? In the letting go?

Tough one to let go of?!
In the going for something different? Is it the unknown? There is so much to change and so little we actually know about until we take that first step towards making a change.

Eek!
I think that's the scariest thing of all the actual taking a step.Change is about ACTION, not words. One of the most jarring things about change of any kind is that you actually have to get up and do something.Big or small, change is not passive.
So on top of everything else, it takes time.
The most difficult thing about all of this is that noone can do it for you! It is all up to you! Or me in this case. I can't avoid it any longer. Your body,soul, the universe kind of forces you in this direction of flux. I'm flummoxed by all that awaits me and all I need to get done, but I guess I have no bloody choice! eek!
One bold step, one giant leap, little baby step, whatever your mode of choice, change is everything, we just have to do it!

Maybe moonwalk your way into it a la the King of Pop, but it all really begins with a great, honest, truthful, bare faced, bold faced chat with the woman, man in the mirror.


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