Wednesday, March 7, 2012

FLUX-uations

In her own little way.
My word! My world is in serious flux. I'm a ball of nerves, anxiety, EXCITEMENT, wonder, trepidation, adventure, love, light, anticipation, laughter and all sorts of things there are no adjectives for. This is my life for now. What it is exactly. I HAVE NO IDEA! Maybe, let me elaborate, I have no one idea.I have MANY! Loving all of them and I think I want most of them to come to fruition. We aren't bound to pursue just one dream at a time are we?


I don't really know what I'm doing at the moment. It's almost been exactly one week at the moment, since I left formal employment (don't you love that term, cos in fact, there was very little that was formal about it...)

Better get working and sweating! Tears are necessary though sometimes.
So I've just been figuring out my next steps.ACTUALLY the truth is, I have been so exhausted from the past year and a bit that my body and brain have hit an epic go slow.And I've decided to actually go gently with myself, because it is clearly what I need at the moment.Delayed fatigue. Not to be messed with! That feeling when you finally stand still for a moment and your body breathes a huge sigh of relief, that actually translates into you not being able to lift you head off the pillow let alone a leg off your bed! Wow! So part of my many changes are to go gently with myself and listen to my body...It knows what it's talking about.


I was having an interesting conversation with my coach yesterday and we were talking about change and how it's so DIFFICULT! Where is the difficulty for you? In the letting go?

Tough one to let go of?!
In the going for something different? Is it the unknown? There is so much to change and so little we actually know about until we take that first step towards making a change.

Eek!
I think that's the scariest thing of all the actual taking a step.Change is about ACTION, not words. One of the most jarring things about change of any kind is that you actually have to get up and do something.Big or small, change is not passive.
So on top of everything else, it takes time.
The most difficult thing about all of this is that noone can do it for you! It is all up to you! Or me in this case. I can't avoid it any longer. Your body,soul, the universe kind of forces you in this direction of flux. I'm flummoxed by all that awaits me and all I need to get done, but I guess I have no bloody choice! eek!
One bold step, one giant leap, little baby step, whatever your mode of choice, change is everything, we just have to do it!

Maybe moonwalk your way into it a la the King of Pop, but it all really begins with a great, honest, truthful, bare faced, bold faced chat with the woman, man in the mirror.


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