Tuesday, June 30, 2015

An enthusiast




I like this approach. Second time I've seen a post about enthusiasm and approaching life that way today, so I'm thinking...LISTEN!

xx

Friday, June 26, 2015

Hello weekend




Wow! It sure has been a while since I posted my weekend post. Sorry to all my wonderful readers.

Have a wonderful weekend. I am on an awesome course this weekend, should be great and intense.

I've been reading lots on the interwebs and looking at a lot of recipes, tried out a few too...

sharing is caring - love what the Spanish are doing in order not to waste food
I watched this Great Beauty of a movie last night. What a visual feast
When in Rome ... have a coffee
Dating? About to date? How old is too old for you? Does age matter?
Dark winter nails = Yes!
In these dry Joburg winter days, this coconut balm is what I need.
Food is always so close to my heart and top of mind..So I'm loving these desk lunch ideas
Simple pasta suppers are my new things...
I'm not a huge fan of meetings, but this may make me want to go to mine

Lightness and light to all you beautiful souls.

xx

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Testing...it sure is testing...


Only weapon you need. Start with yourself. {source}

Yearly gynae check requires a lot of things, including my worst thing ever, needle in my arm blood tests! Eek! So when I get them done, I suggest we do all of them at the same time. Which of course included a full STI screen and an HIV test! Testing for Rhubella did not worry me as much, but the thought of Herpes, Hepatitis or HIV had me in a state...

I also wished we spoke about this more often and openly. I had someone I consider a friend, say the MOST IGNORANT thing, that she cannot be HIV positive, because she's too fat. Can you cope, because I couldn't hearing this.

Having been cheated on by my ex boyfriend, it made me worry even more about all of the above results, because cheating involves so much lying, dishonesty, disregard for my feelings, my body, safety and literally leaving me open to attack.

Results came out and all good, but still, it just makes me remember just how important it is to know this stuff. You see all these fancy cars, fancy watches and people just behave in the most unfancy ways. These beautiful temples that are our bodies are so precious and we need to treat them as such.

As a woman, I need this beautiful, blessed vessel to carry my most precious future babes, so I ensure that it is in 100% shape for that precise reason. I cannot help that some people may not be willing to treat me as I should be treated, but I also take FULL responsibility for my poor choices fuelled by lower self esteem, self doubt and a misguided need for acceptance.

However, when we know better we do better. We better do better! This is as stern a message to myself, more than anyone else.

This blogger writes about her stress of receiving a false positive HIV Test result. I often worry (it's so deeply in my nature this worrying thing), I often worry that I will get a false negative. I'm undoing this damaging way of thinking, because that will not make me great. It still saddens me to see stats from Unicef stating that though there is a 58% drop in new HIV infections in girls 0-14 years since 2001, TODAY, girls, aged 15-19 still account for neary 2/3 of all new HIV infections among adolescents.

This is still happening in 2015?! As an only slightly more grown girl, I can still see how it is possible for these girls to be having sex and unprotected sex with boys who care nought about them. Grown girls still do the same thing for a variety of reasons.

Let's stop it. One girl at a time. Go get your tests on! It's testing for sure. BUT you're doing it for you! You deserve to test, because you deserve the best. You need to know. Not just HIV! As my family physician says, Herpes is more permanent than marriage. Also why would you ever want gonorrhea?! The name itself is grossly garish enough to never want it anywhere near my precious parts.

People lie. These guys lie to get what they want or just to get you for this moment. Just because he sleeps with you doesn't mean he wants you. SEX is just a few motions, let's not trick ourselves please. We BEEN testing our limits.

Don't risk your life. Testing is scary for a little while. Not knowing is scary forever and not worth it honestly. Be responsible for you.

Love your bodies to bits

xx

Thursday, June 18, 2015

It may be broke now....


It will heal in time. I assure you. You know what, I've been there. The funny thing I've come to realise, the heart break is earth shattering and breath stopping and earth smelting and horrible and breaky and oh so achy.
The thing about the healing though it is s subtle and almost sneaky. You don't realise for a long time that you are not just okay, but wait, you're pretty darn excellent. It's only later you see where you used to be and the thought of those feelings, doesn't stop your breath even in the slightest.
Isn't it grand that the healing is actually just subtle. I like that it is not just one big moment, but like a comforting hand that you hold unknowingly, until you're strong and brave enough to let go.

Feel what you need to. Hurt, because you get to and need to heal, in that there are many lessons, love and lightness.

Hugs to your hearts

xx

xx

Feeling...



Tuesday, June 16, 2015

is it wasted?



Well today is Youth Day in SA. A day to commemorate the youth of '76, some of whom lay down their lives, so we could live some pretty incredible ones and get an education.

How would they feel of their efforts and us, those who came after them right now. So I started my day at a school on the outskirts of town this morning, as we launched a mentorship programme for some awesome boys and girls. So great to see that they have one or two teachers that care. It makes all the difference as a person, just to know that you matter to at least one person. More so as a young person.

What would you say to your younger self? I for sure would say consistently;

  • I love you
  • It's great, be you. Don't be like the rest of them darling!
  • That is amazing! I got you!
  • Go on you little adventurer, in your heart you know where you're going
  • LOVE
Give your young and current selves a hug. We all need an extra tight one sometimes.

Youth is not wasted on the young. I think when the years pass, we forget that we are still young.

Don't stop learning or believing!

xxx

Thursday, June 11, 2015

How about a change?



Let's go for it, but I can't look! {source}
Even writing that title was difficult for me! I'm not great at this change stuff, it really dawned on me today! I'm sitting here still trying to channel being open, I talk about it a lot and I really try, but yho it's hard for me. I've just realised.

I'm being hard on myself! I'm getting much better at it though. What is key is positivity and self discipline! I think it's working. I've learnt so many lessons lately. Hard ones, but I'm glad I went outside of myself. I learnt some stuff.

So while there are stages of grief, I've picked up these stages of change:
  1. Absolute fear
  2. Desperate indecision
  3. Debilitating doubt
  4. Uncertain acceptance
  5. Desperately insecure
  6. Scarily uncertain
  7. IS THIS SO WRONG?
  8. THIS IS NOT RIGHT FOR ME!!
  9. THIS IS NOT ME!!
  10. Acceptance
  11. Fear
  12. Worry
  13. Stomach cramps
  14. Wonder
  15. Waiting
  16. Letting go
  17. Trying to believe
  18. Staying positive
This is where I'm at right now...
What changes are you approaching. I say go for it. Think through it a little, but if you're thinking about it, you probably should try it.

Happy hearts to you all.

Go for the change. I have a feeling it may just bring you to a different and spectacular part of you.

I'm excited.

xx


Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Head down and lost



I realised, that's how I've been walking since I touched down in Cape Town on Sunday night. So unlike me, because sometimes I am literally worried I'll trip, because I look up so much. I realised that it's not just because of the cold and pouring rain. It's not just because I am not excited to be here and that the project I am working on is EVERYTHING I did not expect to be and far more and far worse, but being here has just rocked me to my core a little. I want to cry and run home. I've lived in Paris and it was incredible. The streets there were far less familiar than these Cape Town streets should be, but I walked them like I owned them and I felt at peace and comfortable in carving my space on those much troddled, cobbled streets.

Cape Town, I've driven many of these roads a number of times over the years, but I have got so lost here over the past few days, that literally I'm having a major moment with myself here. I'm finding myself, desperately seeking the familiar. It all feels so so different and foreign to me. I joked to some of my colleagues that it feels like I'm in some part of Europe that I don't know too well.

It's not about being by myself. I spend a lot of time by myself. Last time I was in Cape Town, I was fully in love on a wonderful adventure with my ex and we were attending our first wedding together. My little sister still stayed here and we stayed with her and it was super hot summer days and we had a wonderful hungover breakfast and a long drive and countless laughs all together. Combo of some of fave peeps and places.
Now I'm here for work, so no handsome lover for kisses and silly couplies (couple selfie) on the plane. No endless jokes and changing the world chats with my sister.

Cape Town has me shaken and stirred some things inside me that's for sure. I feel scared and on edge right now. So unlike me, I like solutions and I can keep it together really well. So who is this person right now. A little part of me, that is not liking something, that has the rest of me in a state. I don't like it here. My heart is not happy and when it isn't my stomach is in knots and my head hangs down. This is not a good space.

Here's the good part though, this is only a passing phase. This is not my life or who I am. It's just me passing through, learning what I need to learn and learning about myself. "When the world tests your mettle..." my school song says. It's testing me now and all I strongly realise and remember is to stay true and truthful. True to myself and who I am. It's so easy to bend when you're not feeling strong inside. Don't bend. You know you! #TRUST
Don't do it!


Now for red lips and high heels, because just because I feel yucky, it doesn't mean I have to look it.

Then on Sunday, I'll be singing and dancing on the plane as the pilot takes me home!

Love to all your hearts xx

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