Growing pains

I can't look

This rings soo sooo sO true to me right now. It's like I've lived this whole life kinda only half being, but mostly pretending and now my soul is literally busting out and being like hello, this is me. Ain't that marvellous. It hasn't been an overnight wam bam change! It's been gradual over the past two years, which can be far more tortuous in a sense. There are many aspects or facets rather (love that word "facet" and I don't use it enough) to who I am. For so long, I've been trying to keep them concealed for fear of people judging me and not accepting me. So I've attracted people into my life who did not know the whole me and did not really like me as a result. An endless frustration that I caused in part, but enough of the blame game, because gosh darn it, I could live in that zone where I chastise myself forever. I should not be about that life.

But more and more I am coming into my own. Busting out as my little sis would say. It is so scary, but so liberating and I breathe SO SO much easier on the other side of it.

The courage part really is less about being brave enough to show the world who you are, it's more about rising above the almost debilitating self imposed fear and being brave enough to face yourself with who you really are.

xx