Monday, July 30, 2012

Wishful thinking...

I should be wearing this around my neck today. how do I describe my July? FRAUGHT! That's the word that comes to mind! It's been a while since I've felt myself been so turn upside down, downside up and just completely inside out of myself. Tested in a word, but definitely fraught.

Like today

You know when life is going along swell and all sorts of swimmingly, well that has seemingly been parts of my life in general last year, but this year seems to have decided or rather the Universe has clearly got other plans for me.

Forget being wary of the Ides of March, July has just been one big ide!

The french have the best word for how I'm feeling right now Boulversé which loosely translated means overturned, thrown about, upturned, overwhelmed....I think you get the gist. That's me!

Note to self.

So as I see this July out, I clearly have a lot of mind clearing to do. Winter clearing out of the staid mind, inner recesses of the heart and soul clearly. They've been shaken and a little stricken I could say, so now it's time to review and reassess and go forth and conquer.

Is it just me or did everyone have an interesting bouleversant July?

Don't get me wrong. It was nowehere near all bad at all.I had an awesome fleeting Euro getaway which needs a blog post of its own, but even in that too was some soul stirring, unsettling (good kind I guess) moment.Flying through my old home, Paris, was interesting, breathing that Parisian air, feeling that long forgotten jolt in my heart of what Paris at anytime of year stirs up in me.Very cathartic too, to breath in the air of past Paris hurts,loves, life lived that were looming within the inner recesses of me. Great to review, refresh and release. It was good to leave Paris a lot lighter than I did last time and I'm not just talking about the mounds of luggage I had years ago that's required when you're moving as much of your life back as you can.

So I sit here, a little sleep deprived, hectically anxious, but also strangely calm, that is all unfolding as it should. (Perhaps I'm just pretending)
But with all that said, decisions need to be made, deadlines need to be met and August I'm saying, come on over!
My approach for this now is just riding this wave out on a hope and prayer and I shamedly suspect, large bouts of wishful thinking.

Looking and learning.

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