Monday, November 17, 2014

ValUe



I've always said, I'm not one of those girls who gets asked out on dates often and quite frankly, I'm not really complaining. I'm not that interested in hearing some guy hide his insecurities or over compensate for areas he's lacking. I kid, I kid! While these guys may be the exception, guys don't really hit on me. Not really what they look at. I mean I'm excluding construction workers and car guards and security guards. tee hee.

I have loads of guy friends and I get some interesting insight from them, but I also gain great insight from watching them and some of their relationships.

What I've noticed is that a lot of women are really sacrificing themselves in relationships. Relationships require sacrifice, but it's important not to sacrifice yourself. I remember moving back from abroad and a girl I knew was getting married to a guy who'd made her friend pregnant. I still gasp at the craziness of it all. I know you get a marriage certificate, but this certificate does not mean you've achieved anything.

I've been hearing conversations, reading comments, reading stuff on social media and I'm concerned about where women are coming from when it comes to men in their lives. I'm deeply concerned hearing comments like, "he comes home to me." Um pardon?! He runs all over town and you are where he comes to?! How is that what you deserve. I also so saw something about being his last stop. Followed by a smiley face. How is that even vaguely positive?! I'm actually tense writing this remembering that. Where is the value of self? Even just a little self like, not even love. Come on, how can you feel that it's good that he thinks so little of you? It makes me sad. I don't want people to think that they deserve less.

I've seen my ex boyfriend  shouting and swearing at the woman in his life (I am still traumatised.) While his behaviour was abomnible, I couldn't help, but be sad for that woman allowing herself to be treated like that. Why? It's just not cool.

People always know where their hearts are and what they want. Not just men. So if they do not make you a top priority, be sure it's clear that you are not a top priority. Is that what you want or deserve?

There is a Xhosa term, when translated, means, "I'm not a place where horses come to die." I think that says it all.

Listen ladies. You want to be number 1! You deserve to be one of his top priorities. Do not treat anyone like a priority when you're just an option to them. How is that cool to yourself.

I know some of you may be like, what does she know, she's single?Yes I am, but it's lovely. I sometimes worry that I enjoy it a little too much.

Some people come into our love lives, but perhaps they are fleeting lessons in love. We cannot control people's feelings towards us, but we do deserve the best of the people that we choose to have in our lives. I think it's plain and simple. No doubt relationships have their ups and downs, but no one person has to suffer. Not what relationships are about.

I worry that this lack of value when it comes to relationships seems to trickle all the way down. I'm seeing young girls suffering from really diminished value of self in relationships and these are their first relationships. Not a great trend to start, especially when you think about how this will impact their future relationships.

Listen, relationships are about learning, whether friendships or romantic. Boundaries are so important. Those arise from value you though.

Only you decide.

Love to all our precious hearts.

xx

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