Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Let it fall apart...



I am admittedly a serious Miss Keep-it-together. A specialist in fact. And I have an exceedingly high pain threshold to match. All part of the look right?! Because that's what it is; a look. Mostly it is. Naturally I do have the ability to stand still in chaos and seek solutions and stability, but does it always serve me?

Perhaps, I should scream the answer out to myself, it is a resounding NOOOOO!!

My body is in pain today. Strangely my right side and more notable my ankle, knee, calf, quad and hamstring. While this may be a ballet and running injury, I'm feeling a little like a damaged tree and that my roots are a little out of wack. Boo hoo me. Seriously.



So off to the chiro I went today and swiftly proceeded to let out all the stuff I'd been keeping in, through some wonderfully healing water out from my eye sockets. Wow!! If ever there were a more round about way to say I cried. Like a girl! Oh wait, that's just what I am and it's okay.

I am so tired. Deep town. Tired of holding it in, not being mad at you, not being upset, not telling you I don't understand, not telling you how I'm shattered.Tired for taking it all on and being strong and brave and calm through it all, when all I want to do is sit down, sit still and have you come and get me and tell me it'll be all right. I'm tired of being the bigger person, I'm tired of worrying,I'm tired of wondering I'm tired of being tired. I don't want to have it together, because honestly I can't especially all the time.

Loved this book...

You know what, that's just okay. So today, if you give me the ball, I'm telling you now, don't. Because I won't drop it, I just won't catch.Why? Because I can't and I right now I just don't want to and that's fine.



I need hugs, I need cuddles, I need kind words and more so kind gestures. I need to be myself, which also includes falling apart. I just need to let myself know it's okay.

That goes for all of us. Let's just take a deep breath and let it all fall apart. Who knows, falling apart might not  be the right term, perhaps we are just giving it a moment to fall into place.

xx



2 comments:

  1. Virtual hug! You are strong in the weaker moments, it is a strength to be loyal to yourself in whatever form you come.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lovely Miss Clancy! Thank you. Love what you've just said! Virtual hug right back at ya for being awesome!

    ReplyDelete

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